its 3:24 am, i cannot shake you from my mind
no matter how hard i try
you are engrained there
and the tears well up in my eyes
like a million tries to get you home
like a million wishes that you would pick up the phone
i cant accept it
like a child who wont be told no
i simply cant let you go
i no longer know if its romantic
platonic, ironic- something
that you should be hurt by me
and in the end
i am hurt by you
"you never meant to"
but you did
oh god you did
sweet revenge is how they spin it
no good bye is how i pin it
and all i want to do is hop in my car
and drive to your house
and see what all the fuss is about

Infatuation like I havnt
Felt since grade school
The thought of my skin
On your skin in the damp
Dirty southern cool
You have me reckless
Hopeless, so giddy I'm floating
And when did you get so romantic
You have me checking my
Phone, frantic
I dont know what your getting at
Going so far for something like me
For a few fucks an a girl you'll barely see
were perfect for eachother
"move to me" you move me
I guess, yes I'd give up
Anything, everything
Promise and I'll leave
I'll promise to leave
You take the lead

had i known
how quickly you
would be gone,
i would not
have slept away
any of the hours
in the day
just so i could
spend more time
with you
had i known
i would have
faced deprivation hallucinations
and eventually death
from the hours
weeks
days on end
i would have given up sanity
had i known
you would be gone
so so quickly
i would have taken
back every word i said
i would have sent
every letter i never sent
given you every flower i picked
and made you mine
even for a short time
had i known

i have to hold myself back
from falling for you
fair skin
fair hair
bright eyes
its the tone of your voice i think
when it gets high up
and you squeal with excitement
the sheer happiness painted on your face
i want to be the reason
but i wont
i will sit back
and day dream
while you sing and you scream
and you surprise me with your everything

anniversary

You should have just asked
You were all I ever wanted
Phone calls past four in the
Morning when the sun is just
About to rise and I am finally
Closing my eyes
And I romanticize- I day dream
Or at this point I just plain dream
That you rang because your
Falling asleep thoughts
Let you think your way over
To me

You could have just asked
You were all I ever wanted
Still at any distance
I would go any distance
From point a to b
To c and z
I would follow or lead
Or think these awful things
Because in truth
We are platonic
You and I, I suppose
If one were to put us on paper
But I've got all these dreams
And you still take her
To your room to sleep
Or maybe you finish up
And have her leave

You wouldn't do that to me
I wish you had just asked
You were all I ever wanted
And I don't know what you are now
Or who you have become
Or even if that someone is different
From the someone I guess I loved
You suggest summer
And I accept nonchalantly
While my insides rise and I
Am sick to my stomach
But my heart can not stop beating to rest
I think about how you disgust me
And how I want to rip your heart from your chest

nineteen
and your eyes gleam
i miss you
but you dont notice
and i dont need to
know where you are
tonight, tomorrow, the day
after, you never stay long enough
to leave in the morning
I want to cook you dinner
and make you smile
you want to lead me on
for the longest while
you wont talk if
you dont want me
and you stopped
so i know
and you have her
so i let go
but i dont
and i still wish to move
half way around the world
to be with you
pull the pillow over my head
no reason to get out of bed
i dont want to finish this poem.

you'll come back
i know you will
thats  a lie
to the tap tap tap
of the key board
as i find him attractive
and lose interest
to the thump
of the bass drum
of the funk band
that played
while the sweating
singer screamed
until the veins
began to pop
from his forehead
thoughts pulsing
through the blood
pumping, fists
in the air you scream

she'll come back
i know she wont
i've gone free verse
i've gone automatic
writing give me marijuana
trails with trees that
bend over for a good time
tables riddled with letters
from years before
from yesterday
from an hour ago as
that girl sat with her
pink bag and her
grey hat and i made
you up didnt i


you never existed
i know you did
you break my reality
i made you
you are eternal
you are insignificant
you are everything
nothing something
breathing on my neck
in the middle of the night
or is it morning

you wont come home
i have accepted this
you will come home
i have not.

youre gone forever arent you.

i like you
so i will constantly
bring you down
to feel better
about myself.

landslide cover.

This is my favorite scarf, this is my favorite song to sing. 

the completely gut wrenching
sickening realization
that i am so jealous
so
fucking
jealous

could feel bad
if i did not
feel so good

could care for
you if it
were not you

could stop lying
if i did not
feel a sick
thrill chilling
my spine when
i look at
him every time
and i want
his hands on
mine like when
he dropped me
off the last night

im always in
your car at
the right moment
your never there
without heat
of the moment
without reason
in your jeans
your so dirty
so selfish
so sexy
so manly so
ugly so not
so empty
so deep
so shallow
go rot

could feel worse
if i cared less
if i thought
more of what
we are not
as i lay
a perfect facade
to mask what
i really mean
when i speak
as my eyes glow
but my lips angle
downward and
my face goes
red like the blood
that pumps through
me when i think
of you but i
dont let you know
ever as
i never let anyone know ever.

wallet

im not one

for dirty poetry

the lines just

dont come easy

when it comes

to me 

but the way 

your skin

felt in the 

backseat 

you got me 

pulled in and 

said sorry mom 

your a gentleman

and i laughed

some 

yes i did 

look up at your

face the beads of 

sweat forming on

your forehead as i

gripped your forearm

and tried to remember

the rules i stumbled while 

trying to practice to be 

the lie i pretended to be 

when it came to you

and i saw 

your eyes 

and that smile

and i cant

feel my face 

and i blame it

on the way 

you kiss passionately

and how you

dont care

about me 

but you hold that stare

as you leave your 

backseat

still naked and my

wallet slips

from grip

wallet slips

from mind 

and im in awe

of what i see

and im in awe

of what i have

the newly discovered

ability to be 

as i cheat 

because im dirty

and i fall

because im clumsy 

and i know

you feel something

in that heartbreakers

heart of yours 

that keeps me coming

and keeps you answering

when it comes to me

and you come for me 

in your own back seat 

i think i started something

i got what i wanted didnt i?

love me now
when im gone love me none. 

i hate you.

Hot In Herre Acoustic Cover

This is literally my favorite song to play.

      Also I dyed my hair annnnd I'm in love with it, so stare upon my head.

thats my hair

freestylin

this is what happens between 3 and 4 am when i dont have songs written but i wish i did so i derp on the spot

For Aliix

i actually have a full cover of this song... but some people cant wait ;]

..

two in one.

ill never stop wishing for you to come on home

were taught to lead them on, and hold out as long as possible.
when was i going to get the memo?

say what now?

.

im batman

parts one two and three

     I.

Its a burn

a tickle

a moment

something fleeting

something fickle

its my guilt

my lust

lie and lay, lay, lie

its the way your blanket stuck to me 

balls of cotton on my clothes

your feet too close to mine

your toes, on my toes

and then theres that smell

dirty and paternal

you remind me of my father

but not the better

say were free

promise to respect boundaries

nothing but a lie spoken soft upon my leave

II.

those deep eyes saddening

your witty remarks maddening

jeans slowly unbuttoning-

stop

but you dont

and i dont try

i take it all in stride

its a simply unchangeable motion

just a little notion of the pain

the guilt ill always feel

III.

we used to be friends.

throw backs from my tumblr

Remember when we got back together?

this is my face

ekphrasis- 1930 lake george by early moonrise georgia o'keefe

ekphrasis- Ralston Crawford, at the dock no 2

publishing the lucy letters

get the hell out of here

so

ive realized i only blog when i drink
and its not cause anyones interested in what im posting,
but the things i stumble are just great.
so heres a bunch i screenshotted

                      <--thats acid.