nineteen
and your eyes gleam
i miss you
but you dont notice
and i dont need to
know where you are
tonight, tomorrow, the day
after, you never stay long enough
to leave in the morning
I want to cook you dinner
and make you smile
you want to lead me on
for the longest while
you wont talk if
you dont want me
and you stopped
so i know
and you have her
so i let go
but i dont
and i still wish to move
half way around the world
to be with you
pull the pillow over my head
no reason to get out of bed
i dont want to finish this poem.

you'll come back
i know you will
thats  a lie
to the tap tap tap
of the key board
as i find him attractive
and lose interest
to the thump
of the bass drum
of the funk band
that played
while the sweating
singer screamed
until the veins
began to pop
from his forehead
thoughts pulsing
through the blood
pumping, fists
in the air you scream

she'll come back
i know she wont
i've gone free verse
i've gone automatic
writing give me marijuana
trails with trees that
bend over for a good time
tables riddled with letters
from years before
from yesterday
from an hour ago as
that girl sat with her
pink bag and her
grey hat and i made
you up didnt i


you never existed
i know you did
you break my reality
i made you
you are eternal
you are insignificant
you are everything
nothing something
breathing on my neck
in the middle of the night
or is it morning

you wont come home
i have accepted this
you will come home
i have not.

youre gone forever arent you.