1037

I have no idea how I feel
Actually, yes I do
I miss you, but you're relieved
I guess I am too, in a way where
I completely and utterly need you
Need? You said you're not going to leave
Friends? I guess, because I can't have you gone
Completely comforted when she said
"You never leave your exes in the past,
they're still your friends from a different time."

4-30-12 1153

Should i put you on the list of those lost?
It's longer than those who remain
Yours and Lucy's names look so elegant aligned
Like the white on the fence of the yard you want one day
No sleep til' Brooklyn, with you-
So it looks like I'll never see rest again
Not that I was ever too fond of closing my eyes,
As if I were to miss something
Now I wish I had woken earlier
Or that you had stayed up later
One more hour
One more minute
One more kiss
One more moment like this
You in my arms forever
Until the day you fell
Out of love with me
With no one else to fall to
And you don't know what
You want to do
As long as it's not with me
You'll be free, safe, secure
I'll be the same, scared, unsure
You made me promise, you know
That if you forgave me,
I would be forever
I guess since you didn't promise back
(Except for when you did)
That you didn't have to pull the slack
But I wish that you did
I'm sorry for almost every time I yelled
And for taking away Beast and Belle
Or whatever it is you want to call us
With the ever-ringing chorus sing
"I thought, I thought, it was meant to be"

1029

Remember when shit was easy
When the mere sight of you
Didn't make my knees
Weak and my stomach queezy
When I was happy
Oh wait- thats a lie
But I was content
And now its like
Youre on another continent
Too far to make me
Feel safe like you
Usually do
Only you could do

212

You call when
I Have nothing at all
Left to give
When I'm spent 
From seeking love
Or some physical equivalent
In all the wrong places 
By anything but accident
I have a horrible habit
Or six
And I fall for friends
Like it's my business
I no longer care 
For matters of the heart
Just what happens between 
Closed lids and shut blinds 
Ill never own a single
Thing that I want for mine 
Just what happens between
Wrapped legs and 
crossed fingers
Don't let them hear 
You whisper
I can't bear to hurt again
So I'll back down from this event
At least until I know I can

1252

oh no its happening again
just want to pull you in
i dont know why every
so often i need you
i feel my feet point toward you
my body near you
stop
oh no i thought of it again
and you went and lead me in
i mean maybe i could
if you would
you wouldnt
stop
dont stop just come on
and we could still be friends
no lies, just love
ill play it again
what ever you want to listen
listen to you breathe
see the veins in your skin
youre never watching
or are you
do you notice
stop
oh no its happening again